In a Game of Display We Break in Two
by pocket-cheese
Summary: "Life is like a game of chess, and it's people that make themselves pawns. It's all a game, Shizu-chan, but even I'm not winning anymore." He was drowning in this city. Trigger warning for suicide.


"I want to go away."(1) The words were spoken quietly but firmly, intertwining and diminishing with the sound of rain resounding through the alley. "I wish…" he closed his eyes, caught somewhere between the rare desire to laugh until he cried or cry until he laughed "I wish I could understand why the sky is always falling down on me."(2) He went with the former, blinking as raindrops fell on his face, and laughing. Laughing because he knew his words to be true, and laughing because that knowledge made his eyes blur with tears he couldn't shed. "I want to understand why, but I'm hurting myself."(3)

A crash caused him to turn sharply, eyes narrowing automatically. He watched as the ginger tail of a cat retreated deeper into the ginnel, the sight making him re-evaluate how safe it was to say such things aloud.

"It's childish, I know, to pretend the world is listening."(4)

Orihara Izaya was the last person that Heiwajima Shizuo wanted to see on his way back from a hard day at work. Fighting off four drunk people and accidentally knocking the person that they were supposed to be collecting tax from unconscious (as well as failing to save Tom from an especially aggressive punch) had put Shizuo in a _.mood._ Seeing the face of the man who was effectively a permanent blemish on his life getting closer made Shizuo's already aching jaw tighten to the point that he could hear his teeth grind against each other in protest, reminding him that he couldn't afford to pay for a dental bill if he broke his own teeth. This, of course, was Izaya's fault. Any money that Shizuo had managed to save up evaporated from his bank account each time he had to change his job ( _always_ Izaya's fault), or pay for Shinra to fix any Izaya-related-injuries that were too serious for him to super glue or stitch himself.

Izaya was less than five metres from him now, and still coming forwards. Shizuo stopped, watching as Izaya came closer and closer. That in itself was unusual. Although Izaya sought out Shizuo regularly, he never came this close. In fact, he usually only came close enough to be heard as he taunted Shizuo, which was inevitably followed by their usual routine of Shizuo chasing Izaya until Izaya out-ran him. Now, Shizuo could see that events were unfolding very differently. The glint of a blade as it came towards him was enough to snap him out of his thoughts and propel him to dodge, causing Izaya to fall forwards and just manage to catch his footing as his knife cut through air instead of Shizuo's flesh.

"Who'd have known that a sedentary animal like you could learn new tricks? You've never managed to dodge before!" Izaya's words - punctuated by the swish of his blade - came in his usual gleeful tone, but his eyes blazed with unadulterated anger.

"That's because you've never walked up and tried to stab me before, you fucking _louse_." Shizuo made a grab for Izaya's wrist whilst side-stepping the knife as much as possible. If anything, it was even more difficult to avoid being stabbed when Izaya's attempts were all off-kilter.

"I'm sorry, did you say something worth my time, Shizu-chan? Because all this unintelligible squawking is drowning out anything worth listening too. (5)" Izaya smiled sweetly, not missing a beat as he continued with his mission to gut Shizuo like a fish.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Shizuo growled, managing to land a punch on Izaya's shoulder. Izaya tripped backwards with the force of it, eyes wide with surprise before his face contorted into a look of manic determination. Without hesitation, he slashed Shizuo's chest as hard as he could, the knife breaching Shizuo's skin and causing blood to seep through the white of his shirt. Izaya jumped backwards, pointing the tip of the blade directly at Shizuo's heart as he backed away.

"You know Shizu-chan, I bet you're thinking 'I'm in a constant state of getting cut, so why don't I feel anything?'(6) - that's if you think or feel at all. I'm not even sure if monsters can have feelings…" Izaya took three more steps backwards, brandishing his knife all the while.

"It's funny, ne - I can handle anything, even if I can't handle you (7). You're the last one left, but I can't quite seem to win you over. I think that Shizu-chan is too bestial to have a handler."

At this point, Shizuo was just about ready to rip Izaya's head from his stupidly pale neck. Balling his fists, he started forwards, pursuing his nemesis through the alley where unbeknownst to him, Izaya had spent the best part of an hour trying not to cry before coming to the conclusion that he was tired. Shizuo followed as Izaya leapt - nimble as ever - over the gate blocking the bottom of an emergency stairwell and darted up the spiral staircase with ease. It took Shizuo slightly longer to reach the top of the staircase, which led onto the flat roof of an office block. It was growing dark, thick clouds littering the sky and rain falling heavier than ever, pattering rhythmically against the floor. Izaya was standing at the far end of the building, his back to Shizuo as he looked at the drop with interest. In some ways, it was a rather striking image: Izaya's black clothing and hair contrasting magnificently with the off-white clouds and harsh grey sky as rain lashed down on them.

Shizuo advanced cautiously. Izaya was stood incredibly close to the edge of the building, and as much as Shizuo said that he wanted to kill Izaya, he wasn't committed enough to risk falling off the edge of the building himself.

"Why Flea, why the fuck did you cut me and ruin my goddamn shirt when I hadn't done anything? All I wanted to do was go home, but as usual you have to pick a fucking fight with me. I've never done a single thing to you, so why are you always bothering me? Why can't you just leave me alone for once?" Shizuo's anger had dissipated with the sight before him, and all that was left now was a tender weariness that would give him no respite.

Izaya turned slowly. "Because I hate you, Shizuo. I hate you so much that I can hardly breathe, and I can hardly take it."(8)

"That isn't really an answer, Izaya-kun. You haven't said why you hate me so much."

Izaya laughed, glazed eyes meeting Shizuo's. "You know, Shizu-chan, I wish that I had known in that first minute we met the unpayable debt that I owed you (9). If I had, I wouldn't have tried to make a connection with you."

"Stop speaking in fucking riddles and just say what you mean!" Shizuo bit back the urge to shake Izaya until he could see things from Shizuo's point of view until he'd just shut up and leave Shizuo be.

"I shouldn't have to lower my intelligence just because Shizu-chan is too stupid to understand - but I'll spell it out for you: you wanted to hate me from the moment that you laid eyes on me, with or without a reason. And after we met, I was always going to be in debt to you; you hated me so much that you believed that by my very existence, I owed you something to make up for that hate."

Shizuo shifted, feeling uncomfortable under Izaya's piercing gaze.

"Well it's not like you're so perfect! I've already accepted that I get angry too much, but you - I don't think you even _realize_ what you do to people. In fact, I know you don't, because you don't have the guts to take the truth or consequence (10). You think you're so above it all. Tell me, Izaya-kun, how does it feel, watching them fall?" (11) Shizuo gestured over the side of the building, the conversation making him increasingly irritable.

Izaya smiled lightly, lowering himself to sit on the edge. "Like a God, with the world around me." (12)

"You make me sick. You don't even realize that what you try to be is conflicting with reality (13). You're more like the Devil than a God, driving people to their limit and pushing them over the edge."

"Perhaps people shouldn't let themselves be manipulated so easily. Life is like a game of chess, and it's people that make themselves pawns. It's all a game, Shizu-chan, but even I'm not winning anymore."

Shizuo frowned. "And what does that make you, the King or Queen? What benefit can you possibly gain from toying with other people and seeing their lives fall to pieces? What benefit does it possibly give you to toy with _my_ life?"

"Shizu-chan is my most interesting toy because I can't figure him out, and that's all I want to do."

"You're fucked in the head. You'd be better off dead so you can't keep ruining things for everyone else."

"So kill me then." Izaya rose from where he had been sitting and moved so that he was standing directly in front of Shizuo.

Shizuo swallowed determinedly. "I won't become what you want me to be."

"I forgot", Izaya grinned sadistically "you can't kill me, because I'm already inside you (14), or rather, that pretty little head of yours. Maybe even your heart too. It's not only love that comes from the heart you know, Shizu-chan."

Izaya walked away, reaching the edge of the building again. "I never did want you to hate me, Shizuo - I'm sorry that you felt that way. I always wanted you to like me, but I guess that that wasn't to be. All I've ever wanted was to make connections with people - to see how they worked, but the one person that I wanted a connection with most of all couldn't connect with me in any other way than stab wounds and broken bones. It's kind of sad, isn't it?"

Izaya began to pace along the edge of the building, teetering on the edge.

"It seems that the only love that we can give each other is through death."

It was hard to tell now if it was tears or rain on his face, but his expression was one that Shizuo had never seen before - a small, sad smile devoid of any usual malice or sarcasm. It was the last smile that Shizuo ever saw him give.

"Know that." He said, as he stepped off the building.


End file.
